Y me enamoré del espacio.

My Top Chef

Ahora como me gusta cocinar de vez en cuando y ver Top Chef todo el tiempo, aveces imagino como mis platos serian juzgados por el “judges table” especialmente cuando son un fracaso; hoy fue uno de esos casos.

Padma: Welcome Osvaldo! Of course you know our judges, Tom Colicchio, world renown Chef. Gail Simmons from food and wine magazine and of course our guest judge; host of Maracaibos’s top rated cooking show: La paila Caliente. Joe Gonzales.

Tell us, what have you prepared for us?

Osvaldo: Joe Gonzales??? really?……Well, tonight I have made for you, an Egg tortilla, with some onions, tomatoes, peas, Spanish sausage, peperoni and some fresh cheese melted in the middle. We also have some toast with butter and a tropical fruit iced tea. I hope you enjoy it!.

*Exit stage*

*Judges begin tasting*

Colicchio: Wow… Obviously something went wrong here..

Gail: Yes.. The egg is really overcooked. This is not something I would serve my friends at a party.

Padma: I cant even taste the ingredients! I mean, its almost like eating a sponge.

Colicchio: Its ridiculous, I mean, I can see all of the ingredients, they are clearly there, I just cant taste it, everything is so overcooked!

Joe: Vos sabeis que mamaita le echaba a los huevos un poquito de salsa e tomate!! y te los revorvia duro! ZA! ZA! ZA! ZA! quedaban rosaitos, maaaaas bueeeenos!!

Gail: …………..well, the toast is good

Judges: HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Padma: Yes, the tea is good too!

Colicchio: Not even. I think it could have used a little more lemon. If we are being honest here.

Gail: I agree.

Joe: Chico a mi me hubiera gustao una cocacolita o una guarapa e limon!!

Gail: Im really not sure who you are sir.

Padma: Ok, its enough, lets call him back

*I enter the judges room*

Padma: Osvaldo, all of the judges have agreed, that the whole dish was overcooked, and actually under salted as well.

Osvaldo: Yea, I’m sorry about that, I actually ran out of salt, my roommates forgot to buy it today…. And yes, I guess I overcooked the eggs.

Colicchio: But its not only the eggs, I feel that the onions and the sausage, and the rest, you cant really taste it… did you actually cook the vegetables and sausage first?

Osvaldo:….. yea… I know, rookie mistake, I tough if I cooked it first I would release some of the flavor and it would be stronger after I added the eggs.

Gail: It was the complete opposite! By cooking the onions and tomatoes, you actually seared them, making it harder for the flavors to melt!

Osvaldo: …I realize I made a mistake, I’m sorry.

Joe: Chico….pero vos entendeis que coño estan diciendo los gringos estos?? Quedaron Huevos?

Osvaldo: …….Como llego usted aqui?

Padma: We felt that the toast and tea were ok, but It just wasnt enough to save the dish.

Colicchio: It was truly a bad dish. Something you would eat at your grandmas house, after she went senile and forgot how to cook.

Gail: wow, that’s inappropriate.

Joe: Chico… pero en este programa no se baila??

Padma: The fat man is sweating alot, its making me uncomfortable.

Gail: I know! the AC is blasting, Im freezing, how is is sweating?

Osvaldo: He does that, Ignore it.

Padma: Im sorry Osvaldo, it just didnt work… Please, pack your knives and leave.